As this New Moon is approaching, I am realizing that I’m feeling better, lighter somehow. The time of winter grief is over. Winters are hard for me. I have experienced the loss of all my loved ones during the winter seasons. When winter comes, I go deep, deep within and listen to my body as it remembers the pain. The body always remembers.
I have done a lot of personal healing work over the years, and it’s easier every winter, although some things still hurt, sometimes unexpectedly. So, I listen to my body, see what comes up for healing, and go to work.
And I contemplate Loss.
Loss of love.
Loss of precious moments that can never be revived.
Loss of dreams. Losing something we love to do can be as painful as losing someone we loved.
I have seen just how painful it can be, working with many clients.
However, some losses can be much more painful than even the loss of a loved one.
Loss of innocence.
Loss of dignity.
Loss of faith in people who violate their position of trust, power, and protection.
Today I want to shed the light on the wounded Masculine.
Recently many women are coming forward to speak about sexual abuses, taking their power back. I see it as a tremendous step towards healing.
But what about our men?
Sexual abuse against our little boys is as prevalent as it is against the girls, but the boys are not coming forward yet. As men, they bear their shame silently. Suffering alone.
After all, “real men” are expected to be able to solve any problem and recover from any setback. When they experience trauma, our culture expects them to be able to “deal with it like a man.”
Men are supposed to be confident, aggressive, dominant, and in control of their feelings at all times.
The traditional view of the ideal man leaves many men feeling very isolated. Access to vulnerability, tenderness, emotional and nurturing qualities; seen and taught in cultures as qualities of weakness in men, is almost impossible for the struggling man to find.
For fear of seeming less than a man they try to depend only upon themselves, so reaching out for help equally becomes virtually impossible.
Our culture provides little room for a man as a victim. Men are simply not supposed to be victimized.
So, what can a male survivor of sexual abuse do?
The feelings of confusion, frustration, anger, and fear present further evidence of his failing as a man. Believing that he is no longer an adequate man, he may see himself as a total failure, or less than human.
Do you see a problem here? Although women suffer greatly due to sexual trauma, they don’t generally lose their sense of identity. Men often do.
Women tend to seek help and council of other women, expressing their pain. Many men typically bear it alone.
Some men pretend to be what they are not, turning themselves into a grotesque image of a traditional macho man.
Others give up, rejecting themselves because of their perceived failure as men.
And under the surface, there is a wounded little boy, trapped in the loneliness of his pain. I cannot even imagine the agony, the massive shame, the deep-seated pain!
And what about the guilt that they “allowed themselves” to be demeaned and weakened?
And what if they enjoyed any part of the abuse? After all, if they were 6 years old, they didn’t know what was happening to them. As adults, they will see it as further confirmation of their inadequacy – they have failed as human beings and as men.
I love men. Dearly. Deeply. I loved my father. I love my sons. And I love my husband. As women, we have a tremendous power to help our men to heal. As mothers we can protect our baby boys from a shocking pain of circumcision (which is a sexual trauma as well) and sexual abuse by being aware and vigilant; as sisters and daughters we can offer them compassion and encourage vulnerability.
Shortly after this New Moon, Chiron the Wounded Healer moves for the next seven years into the masculine, fiery, vital, courageous Aries. Chiron will take us all on the 7-year journey of healing our Masculine aspects.
If you were a victim of sexual abuse, beloved brother, here is my hand. I’m reaching out to you across time and space, and I’m offering my help. You are a victim no longer; together we will bring back the soul essence that belongs to you.
May our Masculine rise up as a Divine Warrior, champion, and defender of all that is sacred and worth defending, in partnership and balance with the Feminine, bringing healed souls forward into a Human-Friendly Future.
